I\’d like to state the obvious…

So I want to take the time to write about my love for Hillsong United.  I think they are fabulous.  I don’t agree with all of their theology stances .. but.. they are just so dag on creative and artsy and good.  I love it. 

I think all who see them perform (whether it be on the dvd or live) will not find it hard to understand why the Aussie’s are so popular.  I have a lot of respect for how they produce their music and their videos.  They are clearly using their ever increasing talents to the glory of God (with the exception of the whole woman pastor thing). 

I asked Elder to find me a hardcore reformed church that did music and art like that.  She laughed at me.

It’s weird watching people change.  If they change for the better then it’s very encouraging to watch.  But then you watch people, good people change for the worse.  I don’t know what’s more depressing about these people- watching them destroy themselves or seeing them live in denial about what they are doing to themselves.

It’s frustrating watching people be someone they are not.  Especially when they are people you love.  It’s hard for me to look at someone who I can remember having so much respect for and see them now do the most unrespectable of things.  Watching them turn into cowards.  Hypocrits at their core.

Maybe the most excruciating part of all of this is knowing that you cannot do anything about the current state of someone.  We are not in control.  I am not in control. 

Sometimes.  No. Most of the time I want to change people.  I want them to be happy.  I want them to trust in the healing powers of Christ.  I dont think there is anything wrong with me wanting these things.  Whats wrong is that I get frustrated when I don’t see results immediately.

Lately I have been really struggling with some things in my spiritual life and I had a pretty unrepentant heart towards these things.  I mean I would pray to God and say sorry.  But it wasn’t from the heart.  Not really.. So this morning as I was on my way to work I prayed.  Sincerely and repentently.  In my prayer I confessed that I knew that I could not handle these dark things I was dealing with on my own.  There was nothing that I could do that would turn my heart from rebelling against the Father except His intervention and my submission.  Me willing to be changed.  I said, “God you are in control.”  After I prayed that prayer you know what happened next? My brakes went out.  Scared me to death.  I cried, thankful to be alive and to not have had anyone else hurt.  Then I realized the beauty of what had just happened.  God had shown me that He was in control.  He showed me His sovereignty.   

There is nothing left in me to cling to except my faith in hope.  And oh what little faith I have!  I am tired of trying to fix things on my own.  My attempts are to no avail.

Sovereign God, grant me the humility to rely on You and the patience to wait on Your timing. 

Day before last I was talking with a woman at work, I’ll call her Taylor, about abortion.  She made it very clear to me that she was pro-choice.  I asked her why and she said “Because I don’t want the government telling me what I can and can’t do to my body.”

Taylor had to take fertility drugs in order to become pregnant and as a result she ended up with triplets.  She made an off handed comment about downgrading her babies if she were to become pregnant with more than four.  I had never heard of “downgrading” so I asked her about it.  She said that when she first got on fertility her and her husband had decided that if she were to become pregnant with more than four babies then she would downgrade (aka murder, kill).  As in the doctors would take out the unwanted fetus’ and discard them or use them for stem cell research (which she fully supports).

Her reason for possible downgrading was because “after you are pregnant with quads your risk is significantly higher for disabilities among the babies.  It also very hard on the mother (a lot of this deals with the size of the woman as well, esp. height) to have triplets, much less quads or more. 

I told her that I had never talked to a handicapped person who wished they were dead or were in absolute misery.  They were always like that and that is how they live.  None of them would choose to take away their lives on account of a problem (if you would even call it that) that had occured in their birth.  I said that I thought that it wasn’t fair or right for us to pick who was more qualified for a happy life based on their physical makeup.  

She said that when I became a mother I might think differently because “you want the absolute best for your kids.  You want them to be normal and like everyone else and for them to have an easy life.” 

What do you say to something like that?  She flat out told me that she would choose to have healthy babies at the expense of other lives who Taylor had chosen as insufficient for the world.

I recently found out (thanks to Al Mohler) that we can now know if our babies will have Down Syndrome in utero.  Many are choosing to abort these “disabled” children.  This is saying to the child and to God that because the baby is unlike “us” it would live a terrible, miserable, unpreductive, unloving life.  It is saying that healthy persons are more suited for life than disabled persons.

This is a disgusting maiming of God’s creation and His plan for His people.  Christ did not turn away the crippled when they asked to be healed.  Nor did He kill them because their disabilty had caused them to have a hard life.  No.  Christ offered forgiveness of sins of which the healthy and the unhealthy are both guilty of and He made the dirty people clean (the healthy and unhealthy) based on their faith in Him.

The whole discussion made me sick to my stomach.  I was not as much filled with anger as I was a deep sadness.  A sadness for Taylor, for her lack of understanding of the eternal worth of a human soul.  And a sadness for the murdered children who will never get to be apart of this magnificent creation that the Lord Almighty has made for us and who will never share in the unimaginable hope and joy of knowing the One True and Living God. 

Tonight it rained.  A lot. 

I’m terrified of storms.  Well.  Not all storms.  But the ones that produce tornadoes.  I’m not sure why I’m scared of these really.  The odds of survival are in my favor I suppose.  Not many people are killed by tornadoes afterall. 

But anyways.  Tonight there were tornado threats and lightning.  So much lightning.  Thunder was shaking my dorm room. 

After a while the tornado threats wore off and Amanda and I went and played in the rain.  It was brilliant.  We hadn’t done that in a few months.  It felt good to do it again.  To stand in the middle of the J-Bowl. Feeling the water pouring off of my body. Seeing the flashes of lightning ignite the sky. 

I was powerless.  Completly vulnerable to the night sky. And the weird thing was that in that moment.  I wasn’t scared.  It didn’t concern me that I was cold.  Or that I was standing in the middle of a lightning storm.  All that mattered was that moment. 

The above sounds cliche, I suppose, but it is nonetheless true..

Tonight was awesome because Me and Elder and Mabe took goofy pics for a while.  It was fun.  Check em out:

I think this is one of the most beautiful summaries of the person of God.  It’s found in theWestminister Confession of Faith.

 “There is but one only, living and true God, who is infinite in being and perfection, a most pure Spirit, invisible, without body, parts or passions: immutable, eternal, almighty, most wise, most holy, most free, most absolute: working all things according to the counsel of His own immutable and most righteous will, for His own glory; most loving, gracious, merciful, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin: and who will by no means clear the guilty.  God hath all life, glory, goodness, blessedness, in and of Himself: and is alone in and unto Himself all-sufficient, not standing in need of any creatures which He hath made, nor deriving any glory from them, but only manifesting His own glory in, by, unto, and upon them.  He is alone the fountain of all being, of whom, through whom, and to whom are all things; and hath most sovereign dominion over them, to do by them, for them, or upon them, whatsoever Himself pleaseth… In His sight all things are oen and manifest, His knowledge is infinite, infallible, and independent of the creature, so as nothing is to Him contingent or uncertain.   He is most holy in all His cousels, in all His works, and in all His commands.  To Him is due from angels and men, and every other creature, whatsoever worship, service, or obedience He is pleased to require of them.”

  Little Miss Sunshine

Today, I sat in traffic for a really long time.  It sucked.  Usually I don’t mind sitting in traffic.  It’s an excuse to blast my music and just be lost in thought..

It also gives me a grand excuse to say my favorite cuss word.  So usually I get to say that word many times throughout the traffic jam and it makes me smile.  Especially when Elder is in the car with me and she laughs when I do it.

Usually when people try to cut in line by driving up the emergency lane I’m okay with it.  I think it’s rude as all get out.  But I don’t get my knickers in a twist or anything about it. 

But today was different.  I was not in the mood to have people mess with me.  So people kept coming up beside me and trying to cut me off and I had had enough.  I kept shaking my head and riding the car’s bumper in front of me.   I kept looking at the guy behind me thinking that I certainly was not the only one who was pissed.  Then we came to a dead stand still.  And this song came on by Leeland.  And I was singing along when what I was singing and hearing actually hit me:

We who were called to be Your people
Struggling sinners and thieves
We’re lifted up from the ashes
And out came the song of the redeemed
The song of the redeemed
The song of the redeemed

Can you hear the sound of melodies
Oh, the sound of melodies
Rising up to You
Rising up to You, God
The sound of melodies
Oh, the sound of melodies
Rising up to You
Rising up to You, God
And as I heard this I asked myself What song that God was hearing from me right then.. 

When I think about the melodies that I want God to hear they are not melodies that are filled with bitterness or a sour attitude or unrighteousness.  Why?  Because Scripture says that we are to,

” put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Eph 4:22-24)

Immediately following the above verse Paul tells us what the characteristics of true righteousness and holiness are:

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each of one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.  Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.  Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.  Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building others up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those that hear.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Therefore be immitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

In order to continue to grow in sanctification I must continuously strive towards Christ-likeness.  Some of those characteristics are listed above.  So what of my bitterness towards the people who were cutting me today in traffic?  Was I justified in my anger?  Maybe.  But I was not justified in the mean thoughts and the cruel actions that I wanted to do to them (lol).

I want the God of Creation to hear a melody of a child who has been Redeemed…

My sucky week ended (thank the Lord) and this past week has been pretty stinkin awesome.

Friday night was the AIE reunion.  Good times.  I was really nervous at first to see everyone for some reason… but then that went away and I had a great time.

What else, what else?  I still haven’t been able to meet with Ashley for accountability. We are both seeing the repercussions of this.  My quiet time hasn’t been stable since she moved and other things have just gone crazy..we have made it our priority to make time for it NO MATTER WHAT. 

I have decided that I definently have to talk to my boss about cutting down my hours.  What would be aweosme is if I could not work period and then volunteer at like a homeless shelter 3 or 4 times a week.  That would be sweet.  Oh well.  We’ll see what happens.  but please pray for me about my job and about school.  My life has been so crazy lately and I don’t have time to do anything it seems like…

I hung out with dad today and and with Scooter and Blair and Pat down at waterfront.  That was good times.

I think that’s it..

What have you all been up too?

School has officially begun. It’s so good to be back. I had my first class today: Christian Theology 1. it was pretty sweet and I met some cool girls in there. I can tell that that class is gonna be really hard but that it’s gonna help me alot in my walk. My hope is that at the end of this semester I love God more than I ever have, that I understand God more than I ever have, and that I have a stronger faith than I ever have.. it will be a very successful school year if these things happen.

On a heartier note, I went by Founder’s cafe on my way back from class and Liz made me the most amazing Italian sub I have ever eaten. Man. It was good. Every one of you should come to Founder’s with me and eat an Italian sub.

Well, study time. Peace.